Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
MIDGETS
????
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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