He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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