I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
