I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
