im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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