Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
