I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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