epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
