I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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