why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
