Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
