Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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