State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is classic penis vs brain.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
