The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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