He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
