He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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