just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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