we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Randomize
