every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
