Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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