I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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