If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
