I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
