Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
