oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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