he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
