tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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