you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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