some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
