giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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