dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
