I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
