he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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