Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your cock deserves a montage
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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