You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
