I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
