Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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