hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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