he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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