If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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