i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
