Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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