would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
