highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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