I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
