When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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