i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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