I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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