just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
