another moral hangover. fuck.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
