Im at strip club and am horny
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
