Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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