Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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